"I Will Wait here at the Cross..." cont.

Last episode we saw Christi broken and corrected on who she felt she was and where she thought she was at in her walk with Christ. Now for the continuing story:

One of the things that God showed me on Friday night is that basically I had turned my life into a show for the people around me. I wanted acceptance, and one of the ways I thought I could get it was by doing things for or around others. I also have this bad habit of thinking I’m not worth anything unless I have some wonderful talent/gift that I can give back to others. Otherwise it’s a waste of time for people to invest time in me. A lie straight from hell, I know. But nonetheless, one that shapes my feelings and thoughts nearly 24/7.

Another problem that I had was my worship was no longer genuine either. I’d sing and raise my hands and occasionally think, “Man, I love you God!” or “Isn’t it great that we can sing praises to our Father?”, but in the majority of my worship I was thinking, “Ok, so do I sound ok? What’s that harmony that the pianist is doing? Is the sound mix ok or do I need to tweak it? Ohhh dang, time to move to the next worship slide! Man, John Doe really is lookin’ great tonight! And man, he’s actually raising his hands in worship too! So, when I get home I need to finish up that homework, and send off that email, and I wonder what this person thinks about me…” Worship. The very thing that draws me deepest into God’s presence, into the Holy of Holies. The thing that gave me such a burning desire to fall in love with my God, and I had let my words of praise become empty. That was probably one of the hardest things for me during the entire weekend!

Well, Saturday morning was a new start. I had given up the ideal that my life was somewhat perfect and decided to give it up to God and let Him take control. And He did. That morning was probably the first serious time of worship I’ve had in a long time, and it was the most beautiful thing I had felt in a long time.  Then it was time for the speaker…

Saturday Morning’s Teaching:

This is just a very short and summed up version of it because, really, to tell you the truth there was just one thing that hit me harder than a 100 ton boulder falling on my head from the top of the Empire State building that morning, and that “boulder” was this:

It’s NOT what you do, it’s what HE’S done!

Ouch. Everything that happens in my life (according to me) is either awesome or stupid depending on what *I* do and how well I do it. But it’s not about what I do, because He’s already done everything for me. In fact, really and truly, the only thing I can do myself that has any importance is to surrender my heart and life to Him. That’s all I can do. He’s done the rest.

The one other thing that did kinda stick out to me was a comment about Mother Teresa. She was asked to speak at some big breakfast thing one day while the (ex)President Clinton was still serving, and he was actually hosting the whole shin-dig. To end her speech off, she made a comment about abortion and how it was murder. Next it was Clinton’s turn, and Jonathan said you could tell he was kinda shaken by what she had said. So his words after mounting the platform were these: “It’s hard to argue with a life so well lived.” Could he have said anything more true? We need to live our lives in a way that glorifies God so that way we will be just as hard to argue with.

Well, the rest of that afternoon was spent doing service projects (hence the name of the Rally “Let’s Get Dirty!”). My group of 8 or so other people went to an elderly couple’s house and mowed their lawn, pruned their ferns, weed wacked, and cut down a TON of blackberry branches. But even amidst the constant screams from spiders as big as our hands and dead snakes, we persevered and got the job done, and blessed a VERY grateful old lady and helped make an old man’s last days a little brighter. Yeah, last days. He’s given 6 months at most to live, has major brain damage, is confined to a wheel chair, and probably won’t even remember we were ever there a week from now. But it was worth it anyway, and, even if he doesn’t remember, she surely will. 

“At the foot of the Cross There is healing for this Nation
There is rest for those who wait
And the love that we find Is the hope for all Creation
We are stunned by what You gave!”

<>< Christi <><

"And I will wait here at the Cross..."

"At the foot of the cross, where I kneel in adoration
And I lay my burdens down
I exchange all my sin for the promise of salvation
And Your name across my brow"

Isn't God super-uber amazing?? I think so! :D Let me tell you why...

I am a perfectionist. I'm a people-pleaser. I'm also a student leader. Very hard combination, lol. I do everything I can to help others and make them happy because I want to and because it's my job, and I expect perfection out of myself. I also want everyone's acceptance and approval, and I don't want to bother others with asking them for help. Trying to put all those things together and making them work is like putting all the pieces of a Swiss Watch into the casing and shaking it and expecting everything to put itself together and work flawlessly. Not really possible.

So, here's where the awesome stuff comes in:

This last weekend I went to Spring Rally with my youth group. The theme was "Let's Get Dirty!", and it was focusing on service projects. But, before you're prepared to help others, you have to be right first with God. I thought I was doing great. I'm a student leader, love God, worship, church, my family and friends, I've been a Christian before the beginning of time, never said a swear word in my life, and so on. I thought I was doing great in my life. Man, did God have fun breaking that heck-of-a-lie! :p

Friday Night's teaching:

Our speaker, Jonathan McKee, told a story about when his friend turned 18. Jonathan "kiddnapped" his friend, and he and a few buddies stuck him in the trunk of Jonathan's car, and drove off to meet some girls (:p) for an early breakfast surprise. But, the guys got a little carried away in their driving when they discovered the sharper and faster they hit turns, the more they heard their friend sliding from side to side in the trunk and screaming at them to cut it out. So, just before they got to the resturant, Jonathan decided to hit one last curve with everything he had.

He thought we was in control of the car. But he didn't realize how fast he was going and how it would cause him to skid into the middle lane of the road he was turning onto. He also didn't realize how close that cement truck was getting. They crashed and the car flew onto the sidewalk, and Jonathan's friend nearly died that day because Jonathan thought he was in control, not to mention all the other guys in the car.

Jonathan's whole point was this: There are SO many times in our life where we think we're in control, but there are usually things we don't factor in. I thought I was in control of my life, but MAN was I wrong! But thank goodness God was able to use the message that first night to brake me. :) It was *so* hard, but God is in control, and as long as I hold no control for myself and give ALL the control to God, He'll be able to then take me and shape/mold/make me into the person He wants me to be. :)

"At the foot of the cross I give up my vain ambition
And I leave my selfish pride
In the peace that is there will You restore my vision
In all the places I am blind?"

More coming up on the 10'o'clock news...

For those of you who know me...

I have been doing some MAJOR re-evaluating of myself and the way I act, who I am, and what I am to others. God was gracious enough to give me a chance to live life on this earth, and I don't want to blow it. I want to be the person God created me to be, and do it with as few mistakes as possible.

SO, this is where YOU come in: I don't really know if I'm being the kind of person I should be to others... If I'm being a good enough friend, a good enough student, a good enough leader, etc. I need you to tell me what you think about me, and truthfully. I want to know what I'm doing right AND what I'm doing wrong. Is there anything that stands out to you in a good/bad way? Are there things I do that bug you so much you just want to scream? Tell me! I can't change if I don't know what I'm doing wrong.

Anyway, I'd *really* appreciate any and all feedback. Thank you for your help, and God bless you all megatons! :)

Growing in Him,
<>< Christi <><

Blogging

Thoughts. Figures. Meaningful facts. Pointless Ponders. What are these things that are worth spending my time pouring all these things into the World Wide Web for all to read and share in??

Got me.

Why are emotions and feelings so much the centerpoint of our society today? Why do our lives revolve around our thoughts and decisions when humankind are so foulable?

Again. Got me.

Is this random? Yes and no. Yes in the fact that I'm not making much sense, but no in the sense that our world and everyone in it are so "random" that things can't really be called random anymore.

Or can they?

Why do I have answers that could fix the world, yet continue to ignore them? Why do I know the way and still continue to travel off the path into the very danger I saw and acknowledged miles (or years) back? Why am I not making any sense, but making perfect sense all at once???


You tell me... 0:/