What *Would* Jesus Do?

"You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses it's saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men.

You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden.
Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on it's stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house.
In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven."
-Matt. 5:13-16-

So, you're hanging with your friends, talking, laughing, and having a jolly 'ol time, when all the sudden, someone says something. Something that isn't really the most "appropriate", but still kind of funny. Everyone laughs, right? And then the jokes continue on: More and more colorful and inappropriate. What do you do? As a good Christian kid, you know you should back out.
But as a friend of everyone else, you don't want to miss out and this may even bring you to be more accepted with the group. I mean, how much can a few jokes hurt?

But then an old friend walks in. Someone you haven't seen since 6th grade Sunday School.
You don't notice them, but they sure notice you! The laughter and hyper voices reach all the way across the room, and they hear every word you and your friends are saying.
You turn around just in time to see them shake their head, wondering what caused you to change from the good kid you were before to this. And you realize that you just crossed the lines of being a witness, to compromising your God and your faith. Ouch.

Something similar just happened to me. I've always been considered the "good kid". I was homeschooled, my few days out of the house in a week consisted of Awana, church, and Wed. night Sunday School, and living my life for God was my one biggest desire and dream.

But over time, hanging out with other people and kind of loosing that passion, in a way, to be the perfect christian kid has caused me to slide. Now, I'm no where near as bad as I could be, but I've started compromising things that I never would have DREAMED of 5 years ago! To gain friends, to feel accepted, to attempt being "normal", to loose my "goody two-shoes" homeschooler image, the excuses go on and on. But valid reasons backing up my current decisions are scarce.

Why is it so hard to stand up for what I believe in? Why do I find myself having to make the constant decision of either going with the flow, as bad as it may be, or swimming upstream? Why do I struggle with this at all? Why is it an issue even when I'm with my christian friends??

John 17 talks about being in the world but not *of* it. But how do we know how far we can go? We need to be an example of what Jesus Christ is to the people around us, but how can we accomplish that if we only do "christian" things? If you do, people look at you like you're stuck up and too good and perfect for them. Instead of us conveying God's love and perfection, so often they see us going "I am Christian, HEAR ME ROAR!" Know what I mean?? But if we hang with the world and laugh at their jokes and just go along with it, we compromise that which shouldn't be compromised: Jesus Christ Himself.

I don't know what to think or do. My first committment is to Him, but how do I accomplish that? How do I determine what's right and wrong?
I'm totally lost and confused. I wish there was someone I could talk to right now..

But anyway, if you have any advice or something you think would help, *please* let me know! This is a pretty new issue for me, and I don't know how to deal with it. If you can, please help!!
If not, I want to apologise for anything I might have ever said or done that did not show God's love and awesome perfection to you through my words and actions. I really, *really* want to be someone that people can look up to as an example, but I'm WAY too messed up and wack for that.
I'm sorry for anything that might have pointed you away from God because of me...

Anyway, it's 1am. I should get some sleep. Sorry for all this rambling and stuff.. I just had to unload somewhere....

<>< Christi <><