"I Will Wait here at the Cross..." cont.

Last episode we saw Christi broken and corrected on who she felt she was and where she thought she was at in her walk with Christ. Now for the continuing story:

One of the things that God showed me on Friday night is that basically I had turned my life into a show for the people around me. I wanted acceptance, and one of the ways I thought I could get it was by doing things for or around others. I also have this bad habit of thinking I’m not worth anything unless I have some wonderful talent/gift that I can give back to others. Otherwise it’s a waste of time for people to invest time in me. A lie straight from hell, I know. But nonetheless, one that shapes my feelings and thoughts nearly 24/7.

Another problem that I had was my worship was no longer genuine either. I’d sing and raise my hands and occasionally think, “Man, I love you God!” or “Isn’t it great that we can sing praises to our Father?”, but in the majority of my worship I was thinking, “Ok, so do I sound ok? What’s that harmony that the pianist is doing? Is the sound mix ok or do I need to tweak it? Ohhh dang, time to move to the next worship slide! Man, John Doe really is lookin’ great tonight! And man, he’s actually raising his hands in worship too! So, when I get home I need to finish up that homework, and send off that email, and I wonder what this person thinks about me…” Worship. The very thing that draws me deepest into God’s presence, into the Holy of Holies. The thing that gave me such a burning desire to fall in love with my God, and I had let my words of praise become empty. That was probably one of the hardest things for me during the entire weekend!

Well, Saturday morning was a new start. I had given up the ideal that my life was somewhat perfect and decided to give it up to God and let Him take control. And He did. That morning was probably the first serious time of worship I’ve had in a long time, and it was the most beautiful thing I had felt in a long time.  Then it was time for the speaker…

Saturday Morning’s Teaching:

This is just a very short and summed up version of it because, really, to tell you the truth there was just one thing that hit me harder than a 100 ton boulder falling on my head from the top of the Empire State building that morning, and that “boulder” was this:

It’s NOT what you do, it’s what HE’S done!

Ouch. Everything that happens in my life (according to me) is either awesome or stupid depending on what *I* do and how well I do it. But it’s not about what I do, because He’s already done everything for me. In fact, really and truly, the only thing I can do myself that has any importance is to surrender my heart and life to Him. That’s all I can do. He’s done the rest.

The one other thing that did kinda stick out to me was a comment about Mother Teresa. She was asked to speak at some big breakfast thing one day while the (ex)President Clinton was still serving, and he was actually hosting the whole shin-dig. To end her speech off, she made a comment about abortion and how it was murder. Next it was Clinton’s turn, and Jonathan said you could tell he was kinda shaken by what she had said. So his words after mounting the platform were these: “It’s hard to argue with a life so well lived.” Could he have said anything more true? We need to live our lives in a way that glorifies God so that way we will be just as hard to argue with.

Well, the rest of that afternoon was spent doing service projects (hence the name of the Rally “Let’s Get Dirty!”). My group of 8 or so other people went to an elderly couple’s house and mowed their lawn, pruned their ferns, weed wacked, and cut down a TON of blackberry branches. But even amidst the constant screams from spiders as big as our hands and dead snakes, we persevered and got the job done, and blessed a VERY grateful old lady and helped make an old man’s last days a little brighter. Yeah, last days. He’s given 6 months at most to live, has major brain damage, is confined to a wheel chair, and probably won’t even remember we were ever there a week from now. But it was worth it anyway, and, even if he doesn’t remember, she surely will. 

“At the foot of the Cross There is healing for this Nation
There is rest for those who wait
And the love that we find Is the hope for all Creation
We are stunned by what You gave!”

<>< Christi <><