The Tides of Life

Ever been to the ocean and watch the tides come in and go out and come back in again? I have, many times. And I love it. It's incredible to me that something so vast and huge could be so perfect and timed like clockwork. And it's all breathtakingly beautiful at the same time. :)

Now, I don't know how breathtakingly beautiful my life is right now (hehe! :p), but the rest seems to fit perfectly. Between college, homework, my new job (I'm working about 15 hours a week now, sometimes more!), family, chores, and friends, everything seems to come and go like the tides. Except lately, there seems to be a LOT more coming than going. Ug. But it's been good.. Pretty stressful, but good. :)

God has been showing me a lot lately by comparing my life to the ocean- For one, my life seems so vast and huge right now that it's impossible for me to control it. And what happens when I try? Haha, whaddya expect? It's impossible!! It ends up controling me, and my energy ends up shipwrecked on some island loaded with self-esteem eating canibals. I get beaten and torn, and I can't go on.

But what happens when I give it all to God? Well, He CREATED the ocean, right? He's the one that set up the natural laws for it to follow and created boundries in which the ocean is allowed to exist. And even though the ocean isn't by any means tame, He still has control, and everything works out. It's the same thing with my life: When I give the ocean of my life, stress, worries, troubles, fears, joys, and everything else, over to God, He *DOES* have control. Even though I might feel like everything is being tossed and turned for the time being, He's set up the rules and boundries for my life, and He knows where He wants it to go. He causes everything to work together "for the good of those who love Him, those who are called according to His purpose." :)

So, even though life is crazy and stressful and this 18 year old working college student doesn't have time to blog as faithfully as she used to, at least she can rest easy in the faith and knowledge that her God is doing something amazing with her part of the ocean and that, hopefull, in turn, she will be able to make an impact on other parts of the ocean flowing around her. "Thy Kingdom come, thy will be done on earth as it is in Heaven..." :D

May God love you, bless you, and keep you in His gentle (yet powerful) hands! :)


In Him,

<>< Christi <><

Changes

Ok, so basicly my life over the past month: Finished my first quarter at Skagit with As and Bs, my dad lost his job and is currently unemployed, I am beginning what is looking like an endless job search, I rarely ever update this thing anymore because I switched to MySpace (though I'm going to start updating this one again with more serious stuff because I love it too much), God is awesome, I am nothing, and Love is everything. Now if only I could *find* it.. :/ Hehehe!

Well hey, it's 4:20am right now so I think I'm going to go to bed. But first, a question: How can I make my Blog better/cooler? I'm trying to change it, but I know CSS better than HTML and I'm having a HECK of a time trying to figure this out! Grrr, why can't websites all just speak ONE language?!? :p Anyway, if you have any help or advice to offer, I and my Sanity would thank you greatly! ;)

God Bless and Much Love,

<>< Christi <><

~Blogger-Girl First & Forever~

Hey ya'll! =D

I just thought I'd make a random post to let ya know I'm not dead. ;) Hehe! Life has been crazy since I started taking college classes through a state program called Running Start. I'm taking 15 credits and mostly enjoying it so far! Today was the start of Week 3 though, so I've got a ways to go. I haven't even had my first test yet!!! :o

So, as in my life in general? Well, I'm making it (some days better than others.. :/ haha!). Tension has been growing between my sister and I lately. I actually came close to screaming my head off and then biting off hers!!! >:O We've *never* been like this before.. :( Not cool. But my parents and I are doing great for the most part. :) It's a bit tough at times because I'm finally starting to gain a decent amount of independance, and they still expect me to be their perfect little baby girl. *sigh* But hey, ya win some, ya loose some, and others...? Well, it'll be a few more years before I cross that finish line. :p

God's been awesome though, as usual. B) I don't know what I'd do without Him having my back all the time! It's tough living in a non-Christian environment after spending the last 18 years in my perfect Christian home (not saying my family is perfect, mind you!! 8P Haha!!). But I've got a GREAT group of friends, so izssaall graaaavy baaaby! =D

Ok, so maybe it's lumpy gravy. But it's still gravy! ~;)~:p~;)~ Hehehe!!!

Anyway.. So I was originally writing this for my Xanga, but I think I'll post it on Blogger and MySpace too. This is just too random for just one of the above! :D So, with that said, I love you all, God bless, and (hopefully) I'll see you around! :) *huggles*

Much love and mashed potatos,

<>< Christi <><

Broken Dreams and Shattered Realities

Wow. Have you ever been SO close to something and you just couldn’t get it? I mean, it’s *so* close that you can feel it; the scent is tickling your nostrils, the excitement wells up like a hurricane inside. But it teases you while keeping its distance enough to run up and flaunt it in your face and then run away, before you can catch it, with a maniacal laughter that is purely gut-wrenching. Have you ever felt that?

Now, take that same scenario and make the evasive feeling something you *REALLY* want. Something that you whole-heartedly desire. Something that’s only in your dreams. Have you ever felt that?

I guess dancing in a moonlit glade on mossy grass by a babbling brook is only a dream. I fear twirling gracefully in a pure white gown to a soft, yet exciting, ditty is nothing but un-earthly magic. I suppose having a merry time with faeries and nymphs and dryads while skipping around in circles in our bare feet is impossible. I must then assume, I’m afraid, that dreams are only meant to be dreams, and nothing more.

No, I can’t say that. I still live by pixie dust and wishing on falling stars. I still trust in that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow and in the castle waiting for me on the horizon. I still know deep in my heart that my Prince will come rescue me from the dragon and carry me away on his valiant steed. I still believe in faeries and magic, and I know that in Neverland I will never grow old, and I remember how to get there now too! I still know that somewhere over the rainbow is a land that I heard of once in a lullaby, and that my Fairy Godmother will save the day. Dreams still come true. They *have* to.

But if they do, how come I’m sitting in that moonlit glade right now? Why is there a stream running a few feet away, and mossy grass beneath my flip-flop covered feet? Why are the birds and the crickets and the bees playing a tune just for me to dance to in my jeans and t-shirt? Why do the stars in the sky shed *just* enough light to set the mood and the fresh forest scent lets out *just* enough smell to entice all who notice to start a dream? Why does there have to be a cougar warning out so that I can’t go off alone because I know Prince Charming can’t come rescue me?...

Sometimes life just isn’t fair. This would be one of those times. But I guess, as they say: “For everything else, there’s Walgreens.”

What *Would* Jesus Do?

"You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses it's saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men.

You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden.
Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on it's stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house.
In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven."
-Matt. 5:13-16-

So, you're hanging with your friends, talking, laughing, and having a jolly 'ol time, when all the sudden, someone says something. Something that isn't really the most "appropriate", but still kind of funny. Everyone laughs, right? And then the jokes continue on: More and more colorful and inappropriate. What do you do? As a good Christian kid, you know you should back out.
But as a friend of everyone else, you don't want to miss out and this may even bring you to be more accepted with the group. I mean, how much can a few jokes hurt?

But then an old friend walks in. Someone you haven't seen since 6th grade Sunday School.
You don't notice them, but they sure notice you! The laughter and hyper voices reach all the way across the room, and they hear every word you and your friends are saying.
You turn around just in time to see them shake their head, wondering what caused you to change from the good kid you were before to this. And you realize that you just crossed the lines of being a witness, to compromising your God and your faith. Ouch.

Something similar just happened to me. I've always been considered the "good kid". I was homeschooled, my few days out of the house in a week consisted of Awana, church, and Wed. night Sunday School, and living my life for God was my one biggest desire and dream.

But over time, hanging out with other people and kind of loosing that passion, in a way, to be the perfect christian kid has caused me to slide. Now, I'm no where near as bad as I could be, but I've started compromising things that I never would have DREAMED of 5 years ago! To gain friends, to feel accepted, to attempt being "normal", to loose my "goody two-shoes" homeschooler image, the excuses go on and on. But valid reasons backing up my current decisions are scarce.

Why is it so hard to stand up for what I believe in? Why do I find myself having to make the constant decision of either going with the flow, as bad as it may be, or swimming upstream? Why do I struggle with this at all? Why is it an issue even when I'm with my christian friends??

John 17 talks about being in the world but not *of* it. But how do we know how far we can go? We need to be an example of what Jesus Christ is to the people around us, but how can we accomplish that if we only do "christian" things? If you do, people look at you like you're stuck up and too good and perfect for them. Instead of us conveying God's love and perfection, so often they see us going "I am Christian, HEAR ME ROAR!" Know what I mean?? But if we hang with the world and laugh at their jokes and just go along with it, we compromise that which shouldn't be compromised: Jesus Christ Himself.

I don't know what to think or do. My first committment is to Him, but how do I accomplish that? How do I determine what's right and wrong?
I'm totally lost and confused. I wish there was someone I could talk to right now..

But anyway, if you have any advice or something you think would help, *please* let me know! This is a pretty new issue for me, and I don't know how to deal with it. If you can, please help!!
If not, I want to apologise for anything I might have ever said or done that did not show God's love and awesome perfection to you through my words and actions. I really, *really* want to be someone that people can look up to as an example, but I'm WAY too messed up and wack for that.
I'm sorry for anything that might have pointed you away from God because of me...

Anyway, it's 1am. I should get some sleep. Sorry for all this rambling and stuff.. I just had to unload somewhere....

<>< Christi <><

"My country tis of thee,.."

"Sweet land of liberty, to thee I sing! Land where my fathers died, land of the Pilgram's pride, from every mountainside let freedom ring!"


As I stood on a rock in my backyard last night, my eyes glued to the bright lights of the local fireworks, everything seemed right. My dad, who was standing next to me, put his arm around my shoulder and gave me a hug as we cherished the moment together. All of our guests were standing around watching with us, but they all seemed to fade away as I sunk deep into thought.

My mind drifted back to about a month ago when my family and I were vacationing on the east coast. All the sights and sounds flooded back as my memories became a somewhat current reality. I could see us walking around about a hundred places at once! The White House, the Washington and Lincoln memorials, the Arlington cemetary, the Vietnam wall, the World War II memorial, Boston Harbor, Lexington, Concord, Gettysburg, and so on.

I saw all the stories of individule soldiers from each war come to life: the Revolutionary war, the Civil war, World War I & II, Vietnam, and all the men fighting overseas for us now. Suddenly I was snapped back to real time with the boom of a consussion bomb.. Or was it a cannon? As I looked back up at where the fireworks had been alighting before, I saw something *much* different...

Instead of beautiful bursts of color, I saw guns going off in all directions: In front of me, behind me, on both sides, and even above me. I heard what before had been the screams of delight in the show but where now cries of pain and anguish. There were explosions all around, blood flying through the air, and a heavy cloud of sulfur hanging close to the ground.

The fear was apparent: Men cringed as sparks flew through the air, children ran to their mothers in hope of comfort that was scarce to be given, and animals ran for their lives but were unable to escape the fire which they were surrounded by.

But just when things seemed at their worst, a small shred of hope arose. The smoke lifted just enough for all to look up, and there it was! The most glorious site any man could hope for at such a time: The strong Red, White, and Blue, our Nation's Flag, was still standing erect and looked as bright and glorious as ever! The enemy hadn't gained victory yet, and all were determined that they never would. Then, as the soldiers said a quiet prayer, they all stood and charged the enemy with more firepower than could be concieved, and with a cry, the grand finale flew into the sky with more cheering and color than ever before! I stood there with friends around and my dad holding me close and said my own quiet prayer, thanking God for the victory of my country and all the blessings we had because of those men that gave thier lives.

Thank you, all the soldiers that fought for the UsA, and may God Bless America!



"My father's God to thee, author of Liberty, to thee I sing! Long may our land be bright with freedoms holy light, protect us by thy might Great God our King!"

Life Lessons 101

Wow, life has been a crazy whirlwind lately!! I went to Yakima with my youth group last week to work with Habitat for Humanty for a week, and it was an AWESOME experience!! I was able to serve God and His children through my hard work (despite my sun-burned, or roasted, legs and arms :p), get to know other kids from my YG a LOT better, hang out with the youth group of the church we were staying at, and have a flame reignited in my heart, mind, and life for my God and His word. I could talk for hours on this, but I have more to cover, so I won't... 0:)

Then, starting this last Monday morning, I worked as a Travel Guide in my church's VBS program. A Travel Guide is a leader that sticks with one age group over the 4 days and works with the individule kids. This year the theme was an Amazon Jungle Adventure, so we learned all about the Amazon and the animals there, made animal/bug/jungle crafts, played topic-related games, and sang fun songs with motions like:


"Pack your Bible, grab your gear, get on-board cuz we're outta here!
Down the river, through the trees, the jungle waits for you and me!
Come along with me to the amazing Amazon!
What things we'll see in the amazing Amazon!
No need to fear in the amazing Amazon!
Jesus is here in the amazing Amazon!"


This year I got to work with the Primary group (K-1st grade completed), and it was amazing to see the love and innocence (or lack thereof in some) that these angels held in their precious little eyes! But I learned a LOT through working with them from how to explain the Gospel to a 7 year old girl to seeing things in their most simple and beautiful nature to actually getting things out of the Bible stories that other adults told the kids over the week! In the way of the stories, one gal told the story of Elijah and how he went to the widow and asked her for water and bread. Now, who knows how many billions of times I've heard that story!

Basic plot line is this: Elijah is in hiding from an evil king, there's a famine in the land so he goes in search of food/water, finds a widow gathering wood and asks her for a drink and some bread, and turns out she only has about a handful of flour and a little bit of oil left. In fact, she just happened to be collecting the last pieces of wood so she could bake up what little flour and oil she had left into bread so she and her son could, as she told Elijah, "..have our last meal and then die.." basically. But he insists on her baking him some bread, so she takes most of what she has left and bakes him the bread. Now, this is where it got interesting..

Whenever I've heard the story in the past, they always tell it that she went back to bake the last few bites of bread for her and her son, and when she reached into the flour jar... Wait! It's FULL!!! Flips the lid on the oil can... It's full too!! In fact they're BOTH overflowing with flour and oil when before she had been basically out. Now that's nice and all, but I *really* like how this lady told it! She said she pictures the widow going back and reaching in and finding a full handful of flour, but not much more. She's totally blown away tho because she *knew* she didn't have more than half a handful there. And same with the oil! There was just enough to make what she needed for that day. :) And every day she came back, there was miraculasly enough flour and oil left over to take care of her, her son's, and Elijah's needs. I really like the sound of that, oddly enough, because instead of being overwhelmed and possibly spoiled by the over-abundance, the three of them were blessed by constantly having *just enough* to supply for our needs! The Bible says His blessings are sufficient, not not wasted. Didn't God tell the Israelites to gather just enough manna to get them through the day and no more? I really like the thought of my God being sufficient to supply my needs. :)

Anyway, enough for tonight. Right now my needs are a good night's sleep after 2 weeks loaded with hard work and short amounts of sleep. :p So sleep well all of you! :) God bless, and may you experience God's devine sufficiency in your life throughout this week!

Much love in Him,

<>< Christi <><

The sky was growing dark...

The air was thin and cold, and the moon and stars barely shown through the thick cloud cover.

7 year old Grace was lost. *Hopelessly* lost. She and her father had been hiking through the mountains all day and he had warned her to stay close and follow him. But there was this side trail, and she reeeally wanted to know where it would go, so she had decided to try it. After all, how bad could it be?

"Just as long as I make it quick and get back on the main trail, then I can catch back up with daddy!" One turn led to another, which led to another, which led to another, and before she knew it, she was lost.

She wandered around in darkness for hours trying to find the one trail that would lead her back to the campsite. Up this hill, down another. Along a stream, beside a canyon. Scaling some glaciers, falling over snow fields. No matter where she went and how far she walked, she just seemed to be getting herself deeper into trouble.

Finally Grace came to a clearing on a hill. She looked around, anxiously scanning the surrounding forest for any sign of her father or camp. No luck. Grace fell to her knees as tears began to flow from eyes that were previously attempting to hide the fear she felt inside. But as the realization of the truth began to hit her, all attemts failed miserably. She was alone in a dark forest and couldn't find her way home to her father. What was she to do?!?

Just then, she heard a noise: Footsteps! Then she saw something moving slowly toward her: A flashlight! She cried out with all the energy she had left as her father ran up to her and picked her up in his arms and held her tightly."

(Hey guys, I have to get off now because it's getting late and I'm very tired and leaving for a mission trip to Yakima tomorrow! So, if you see this in time, be praying for my youth group as we work with Habitat for Humanity to do whatever work is needed so that we can more effectivly reach those who need Him. It's gunna be an awesome trip, and we'd really appreciate your prayers! God bless you all, and I'll finish it when I get home... and after I learn the answer. :) Have an awesome week!!!)

Updates Galore!

Hey ya'll! :D I'm back again!!! *hears groans through computer speakers and dodges a digital rotten tomato* Ahhh, good to be home again..? :p Lol!

Anyway, sorry about the last 4 messages; I was kinda sorta trying to update my Blog by phone, and it kept telling me that the message wasn't sending, so I kept sending it. I finally got fed up and gave up. And none too soon I guess! :p

Moving right along, lol... An update. :) I just got home from a 10-day vacation to the East coast with my family (for more info on that, as well as pictures, check out my other blog :D). It was an awesome trip! ;) But even better than going places I've never been, spending "quality" time with my family (:P), and making memories that will last a lifetime, was the fact that I learned a lesson I wish I could have learned YEARS ago.

So I have this HUGE issue with something that shouldn't even BE an issue. It's called "Being Myself". Not a cool thing to not be able to do. You live your life struggling to retain your own identity, yet changing this and that detail here and there over and over again to make other people like you till the point that you're no longer you anymore. Make sense? I hope so. I'm not gunna try to re-write it. It's 1:30am for cryin' out loud! :p

So, the lesson. I got this awesome oppertunity to meet up with a friend while I was other there. He's an old friend, and it's been *forever* since I last saw him, but we had been talking on the phone beforehand about it, and we were both totally pumped! :D But the closer we got to the 28th (the day they were gunna drive down and join us in DC), the more nervous I got. "What if he won't like me? What if he thinks I'm wierd and he never wants to talk to me again cuz I scared him or something? Could this cause me to loose one of my best friends?? :(" Even though we knew each other sooooo well, it was still really scary. I spent the days sweating and the nights tossing and turning, worrying about how it would go. :p How lame was that?

I guess one of the biggest causes of trying to hide who you are is that you aren't comfortable with who you are to begin with. Wow, brilliant, I know. So, after this realization hit me like a bowling ball plowing over a billiard ball, I started thinking. What is it about myself I don't like? What am I not comfortable with or what am I afraid other people are going to see? ..... Hours of thought finally brought me to the conclusion that there really isn't much. :)

So one night before the 28th, I talked to TJ about it. It turned out he said he was kinda nervous about it too. Then it hit me: If we spent the whole time being nervous of what the other thought, then, even though we're good friends, we won't be able to get much farther past "Hi!" and "Bye!". :( I was starting to realize that I needed to change for this to work. WOW!!! WAIT JUST A SEC!!!! Change *just* so a guy doesn't think you're NUTSO?!?!? ... Yes. :)

Now, don't get me wrong. If you haven't caught on already, the change would be to change all the changes. To remove all the fake personality implants. To destroy all doubt and fear that I have about me. God made me with the body and personality I have, so who am I to throw all that away and change it for something as temporary as acceptance?!?!? Nobody. Yet God took me and made me a somebody, and gave that somebody something that no one in this world has to give back to the world. What's that? ... I dunno, you tell me! :p I'm still trying to figure this all out, haha!

Anyway, long story short (or not so short, lol): I decided that I wouldn't let temporary things get in my way, and I was just gunna be myself. That way I wouldn't have to worry about anything! The way I looked, talked, acted, moved, conversation, fun, all that stuff... I gave it up to God, and you know what? :) He gave it back to me. ;)

I went on to have more fun in that one day than I think I have had since 1st or 2nd grade. I was able to BE MYSELF, do what *I* wanted to do and say and act how *I* wanted to act, and I was soooo relaxed and NOT WORRIED! :) It was the first stress-free day around friends I've had in what seems like forever. I got back to our hotel that night and almost cried because I hadn't felt that good in so long!

So, I had the rest of the trip to think about that day and how it applied to my life in general. I was able to start changing while I was still gone so, now that I'm home, I feel like a new person. I'm finally the ME God made ME to be! :D I went to Jr. High tonight, and for the first time I wasn't worried about what I said or did to impress the kids or keep from looking/sounding stupid... I was able to be myself, and I had more fun with the kids tonight than all the youth events we've had put together!!!!!!!!!!! It felt amazing to be having fun with the people I love and not have to be worried. Instead of worried, I was overcome by a sense of peace and understanding that I was finally doing the right thing. After all those years of TRYING to be right, and changing to achieve that, I finally made the change that mattered. :)

Now, I'm still struggling with it because it's hard to change lifelong habits so quickly, lol. :p But I know that God was able to use the down time I had on vacation and away from my friends (after the 28th at least) to speed up the strengthening process. The real test will be tomorrow night at Sr. High yg with my friends that are my own age, and that I've been artificial with since 7th grade. It'll be hard, but I know it's worth it now, and I know how much I want and need this. :)

Anyway, I'm done now. Sorry that was sooo long! I just had to write / talk out my thoughts somewhere, hehe! :) If you think of it, please be praying for me that I'll be able to change me to BE me 24/7. I'd really seriously appreciate it!!! 0:3 God bless you all, and you're totally all in my prayers as well! Have an awesome week! :)

Day 2: K, so I got my rents to set my phone up with text today so I can be updating my blog (among other reasons O;p lol!