<3 ..Love.. <3

Why is love the most wonderful feeling you can ever feel, yet it can be the worst thing you've ever felt? Why is it something that our world seems to revolve around?

What is Love?

If you look to the Bible, it has several answers:

1 John 4:7,8- "Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God; and every one who loves is born of God and knows God. The one who does not love does not know God, for God is love."

1 Cor. 13:4,5,6,7,8a- "Love is patient, love is kind, and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant,
does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered,
does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with truth;
bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails..."

2 Timothy 2:22- "Now flee from youthful lusts, and pursue rightousness, faith, love and peace, with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart."

Hebrews 13:1- "Let love of brethren continue."

2 Peter 1:4,5,6,7- "For by these He has granted to us His precious and magnificent promises, in order that by them you might become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world by lust.
Now for this very reason also, applying all diligence, in your faith supply moral excellence, and in your moral excellence, knowledge;
and in your knowledge, self-control, and in your self-control, perseverance, and in your perseverance, godliness;
and in your godliness, brotherly kindness, and in your brotherly kindness, christian love."


Good stuff, huh? I thought so! :)

But still, it doesn't have much on love in the way I'm dealing/struggling with. What way is that? Good question! :p

I'm a typical teenage girl in most respects. I've had my share of girlish holywood crushes (Commander Riker in Star Trek was my first, then there was Jesse Catsopolis on Full House, Jared on ZOOM (PBS show, lol), Obi Wan Kenobi in Star Wars: Episode 1, Darth Maul from same movie (I know, SICK! lol!), and several others...), and then some people I know personally as well. The holywood ones? No big! They'd never heard/hear of me, so they weren't too heartbraking. :p But the ones in person never seemed to care, whether they found out or not. In fact, they seemed to take joy in seeing my heart torn to pieces as I would shyly lay it at their feet in my mind, but somehow they'd see. I was crushed. And I started to realise that all the time I spent thinking about them pushed me closer from God. So out the window went the whole idea of anyone ever thinking I was special.

I decided to be "happily" single and forget about guys. If I could change some, then hopefully later God would MAKE some guy fall in love with me so we could get married. I felt sorry for that guy, lol! :p It lasted a while and I was able to start focusing more on God than guys, and I grew stronger because of it. :)

But now that I'm older (almost 18) I don't know what to think. That desire to have someone special that I thought I had hidden so well has surfaced again, and I don't know what to do with it. I'm starting to see that maybe I'm not the flat out freak I thought I was, and that maybe I *might* have a chance, but I don't know. Should I chance it? Should I let my heart loose to dream of what might be? Or should I supress these feelings yet again for another several years till I'm ready for marriage? I don't know. Love is sooo confusing, and it almost seems to blind seeking eyes from the correct path. Will this fog ever lift?

<>< Christi <><