Who Am I?

"I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind..."

Lost...Confused...Scared...Uncertain...

I feel like a small, insignificant blob of nothingness, wandering through a wilderness where everything is so tall and crowded, and everything has a purpose. Why does it seem that those purposes are just to confuse me??? Nothing I do or say is seen or heard because, compared to the loud and strong voices of everything above me, my voice is small and scared that I'm not saying the right thing. And when I am noticed, it's because I tripped over one of them or made a huge mistake, then I end up with never-ending whispers that seem to grow louder as they come closer to me and finally enter my ears. I feel broken down...Hurt...Wounded...And old scars that I never dealt with are suddenly torn open again.

This is so wierd, because I never feel this down-and-out, but maybe it's because I was just hiding it before. I didn't want to admit my weaknesses...I'M PERFECT! But the realization of the lies hit hard, and the blow tore me to pieces. Or at least, the person I thought was me. Another realization: All my life I've made myself to be like the people around me to gain their acceptance. But instead of gaining all their cool and popular sides, I've just gained all their weaknesses. So instead of being the genuine Christi Turner, I've become a collection of the "dark sides" of all the people I've ever liked or respected!

Who am I? Who do I need to be? How do I be me? How do I find where I am and where I need to go? I know, I have a map called the Bible, but it's so confusing! How do I understand it? Interpret it? WHAT SHOULD I DO?!?!?!?!?

"Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am...
I am Yours!"